Seriously, once you start eating them, it's almost impossible to put the package down. Before you know it, they're all gone and you start jonesin' for more. The FDA should look into to those little cookie pushing, pointy eared, hollowed out tree living, vertically challenged, gaping dick holes.
Anyways, I'm on here a lookin' for a date. As shocking as it may be to hear this, I'm single. I know, right? A great catch like me, alone? I mean, I don't get it. And yet, here I am, on Craigslist of all places, looking for companionship. Damn, I did not see this coming.
Everyday, I wake up and stare, admiringly, at myself in the mirror. I know that I am all that is man, but no one else seems to notice. I use the latest manly scented soaps and lotions from Walmart. I use "Extreme Sport!" scented deodorant. I wear the classic Old Spice aftershave. What else do I need to do to get noticed by the ladies? Damn it! I'm giving it all that I've got!
Alright, I'm going to share something with you, but please don't tell anyone else. And, please don't laugh. It's so embarrassing. Look, before I tell you, I want you to know that I'm not trying to be a pervert or anything, I just have to get it off my chest. Okay, here it goes... I tried to shave my, well you know, my testicles. Big mistake, oh my god! WTF was I thinking!
I don't know what got into me. At first, I tried using an old electric razor, but that didn't work at all. So, I grabbed my menthol scented shave cream and disposable razor. Clearly, menthol scented shave cream is not meant for use on one's genitals, but how was I supposed to know that? Also, it's probably a good idea to use a new razor, not a dull used one. So, half of my scrotum is now full of shaving nicks and the other half is still full of hair.
I'm so self conscious sometimes. I worry about my breath and whether or not I have body odor. I ask myself questions like "Omg, am I muffin topping? Am I? I'm totally muffin topping..." Then I think about it for the rest of the day. When I'm standing in line at the store or where ever, I worry about how I'm standing. Thoughts run through my mind like "Does this look okay? Do I look casual or does it look like I'm trying too hard?" Oh lord help me, I'm a total mess.
So, look, I just want someone to hang with. You know, meet up for coffee or a drink and talk for a bit. Yes, I'm a little weird, but I still deserve a friend, don't I? I mean, everyone deserves to find friendship or perhaps even love, right? Geez, I hope so.
If it matters, I'm 44, 6', 175, short brown hair, dark brown puppy dog eyes, in shape, I look young for my age, and I'm cute :).
I would love to meet someone around my age or a little younger. I'm an open, free spirited kind of guy. I enjoy all sorts of things and all sorts of people. I look like a square, but I'm a hippie at heart.
Okay, thanks for reading and I hope to hear from some cool people.
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