I'm posting this ad for my dog, Bert. He's looking for someone special, so I suggested that he post an ad on Craigslist. He tried to type it himself; however, his little paws would hit multiple keys at one time, which made the task almost impossible. So, I offered to help him out a little.
Bert is a great dog with a lot to offer, but he, like so many other dogs, had a rough go of things for a while. I met him about six years ago, he was doing time in Tucson's minimum security facility for trouble animals; The Humane Society. I was there looking for a dog and the two of us just hit it off.
I posted his bail and he went home with me that same day. As far as why he was locked up in the first place goes, I honestly don't know. However, Bert has always maintained that he's completely innocent. In all the time that I've known him, he has refused to share any details of his ordeal.
Bert's a fairly small dog, just fifteen pounds or so. He has short light brown hair, big brown eyes, floppy ears, a crooked nose, and a cropped tail.
He sort of walks sideways and when he runs, he lowers his bum towards the ground and takes off like a little rocket.
His favorite food of all time is popcorn. He goes completely ape shit for popcorn, if he sees me making some, he will not leave me alone. This is followed closely by pizza crust, which he also goes completely bananas for.
Bert thinks that he's a much larger dog and he takes great pride in protecting his territory. He's very vocal and gives passersby loud and stern warning to keep their distance. Sometimes he provides loud stern warning when no one is actually passing by, which gets a bit annoying.
He also enjoys talking to other dogs in neighboring yards. I have no idea what they are saying to each other, nor do I know if it's cordial or intimidating. I just know that I am often yelling "Bert! Shut up! That's enough!" He usually ignores me. . .
Bert's favorite toy is a small sheep that makes a sheep noise when squeezed. He played with it so much, that it no longer makes the noise. This has been a source of great disappointment and frustration for him. He chews, bites, and shakes it back and forth, but to no avail. After trying for several minutes, he'll turn and look at me with his big sad brown eyes. But, I haven't been able to find another one to replace it.
Not that this is the most important thing, but I thought I should mention it anyway. Bert is fixed, so if it comes to sex, you know, there's no risk of accidentally impregnating your dog. I should probably also tell you that he's a virgin.
That said, it should be okay, he's had plenty of practice. He enjoys humping his brother at random moments when its least expected. He also likes to hump the occasional stuffed animal, but I think he has to be in the right mood or something.
Regarding the fact that he's fixed, please don't tell him that I told you that. He's really quite embarrassed by it. He actually wanted me to say that he lost his testicles in a fight with a bobcat. But, I believe that it's always best practice to tell the truth.
I guess I should share a bit about me too. I'm single also, 6', 175, short brown hair, big brown eyes, and pretty darn cute. I'm also looking for a date, so maybe we could do a double thing?
I prefer women between 35 and my age. I also prefer in shape to height weight proportionate.
Okay, take care. Bert and I hope to hear from some of you soon
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